Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Ho-Hum

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Happy Wednesday...

You're probably sick of hearing this countdown, but one week from today, at this moment, I'll be hanging out in the hospital post-surgery. I wish I could fast-forward it three weeks. 

I started my lady event today. Yeah, that one. I find this to be the most miserable 3-5 days of my month. I feel fat. Bloated. Crabby. Tired. Hungry. Easily annoyed. Blahhh. I plan to close this evening with some yummy sparkling white wine from Trader Joe's though... so there's that. Positives.

I feel so reluctant to share much on here. I guess I always fear someone I don't want reading it to find it, and sort of exploit it for his or her own gain. 

I've been unbelievably hungry for the last week or so. I think it's part hormones. Part boredom. Part depression. I need to get it in check... like a day ago though. I feel so anxious about eating like this, and not working out. I'll be 400 pounds before you know it. 

Lots of poor attitude today. 

I designed a logo for a friend's website today. It felt good to be doing something creative and contributory to something other than... total laziness. Blagghh... I feel so, so bored. I'm ready to just have a productive life again. 

All this whining... tell me to stop!

I made oatmeal white chocolate cranberry cookies. They are ridiculously good. I wish they weren't so good because I've eaten MANY of them. After all this crap is over, I'm going on a serious diet and making working out six times per week until I've lost these pounds I've gained in the last couple of months. 

I need to snap out of this FUNK! 

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Berries 'n Boobs

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Next and final surgery is two weeks from tomorrow away. I cannot, cannot wait for it all to be overrr. I feel like my entire life's been on hold for the last four months. And, well, it has. I cannot wait to get back to working out/running/cycling/yoga/etc. I cannot wait to find a new job and have a normal schedule. I cannot wait to NOT be all wrapped up. I'm so sick of having compression garments on my arms, and midsection. It completely sucks. Whine, whine, whine. This last surgery is a thigh lift, and breast augmentation. I can't remember if I've mentioned that. And no, not going real big. Just trying to even my body out.

My eating lately has been pretty good. Although... I have been having intense cravings for chocolate, as this is psycho hormonal girl time. Whee. For breakfast I had one of those small Western Alternative sweet wheat bagels? 110 calories. Toasted with peanut butter. I also had a container of Fage Greek yogurt in Cherry Flavor (Oh, Mama... I love these things so much! But $1.79 per container sucks!), and a bowl of blackberries and raspberries. For lunch, some combination of a soy chicken patty sandwich on Orowheat sandwich thin with hummus, salad, soup, frozen sweet potato fries. Dinner is white bean bruschetta. I'll try to take a picture of that... it looks good! Man. That's the thing. I have a hard time remembering to photograph my food. I need to make a better effort about that.

I'm so looking forward to this summer. I've never worn JUST a swimsuit. Any swimsuit. Maybe when I was a little kid. My goal, but the end of summer, is to be able to wear a swimsuit and feel confident in it. It will require a little time in the gym because I don't feel so toned. Especially with all of this time off of working out. I'm just trying to maintain order in my life until I can really return to normal. It's much harder than I would have anticipated.

I was a sailor for Halloween. 



Thursday, May 13, 2010

Two Weeks & Six Days

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That's how long until my next, and final I might add, surgery. This surgery is a thigh lift and a breast augmentation. How is it at all fair that the first place I lose weight is my chest. I have wide hips, so the fakies will balance out my body. Hopefully. There have been comments from my friends about joining the ranks of Heidi Montag. Um, no. I can't imagine becoming "addicted" to plastic surgery. I can't imagine signing up for unneccessary surgeries. It's a long, torturous, painful, uncomfortable, boring, expensive process. Why would anyone choose to be laid up for weeks and months. Bleh. I'll be celebrating when I can be done with this.

On the other hand, I have the most amazing surgeon ever. He's got a great bedside manner, and he performs miracles. If I didn't mind making any potential reader vomit after seeing the excess losing approximately 200 pounds leaves, I'd post the before and afters. They. Are. Scary.

This perfectly expresses my boredom with the entire process.

Sorry for the extended abscence. I haven't had much to talk about, but at the same time I feel like there's a tremendous amount of stuff on my mind. My entire life's on hold until these sugeries are over, and I'm returned to at least relatively normal activities. This means I have no job!

I graduated in December, and have done virtually nothing since. It's been nice to have some time to release the pressure cooker of stress within, but at the same time I am so ready to get going on this pricy, ill-timed career. For anyone unfamiliar, I got my bachelors degree in Interior Design. "In this economy..." my industry is sloooow moooving, and design and architecture firms let massive amounts of people go, and apparently for now, are choosing to stay lean and mean. I'm hoping in June/July, when I'm looking hard, I'll find something quick and be able to feel like a functioning adult again.

I feel like a loser. My friends are all gainfully employed now, and I'm like... sitting at home, wrapped up in bandages, watching shitty daytime TV and scouring the want ads, but hoping nothing too great pops up because I couldn't work full time really until the beginning of July. Man.

What else. It's my ex-husband's birthday today. He turned 30. We started dating around his 20th birthday. So, it's been ten years since then (way to go, genius!) and I feel a little sad today. I remember being real excited about dating an "older" boy. That whole 14 months made a world of difference, you know. He was a boy back then. And I was a girl. We were clueless. I guess that's what makes me sad. Because had anyone told Stephanie of 2000, "Hey... you'll marry this kid, and then in 10 years, you won't even be speaking." I would have thought they were crazy. I sent him a quick text wishing him a happy birthday. I expected nothing in return as it's been awhile since I've heard a peep out of him. He wrote back, courteously, saying thanks. Bleh. I guess I don't get how it got to this point. I wish I'd been smart enough not to let it deteriorate the way it did. Moreso meaning I wish we hadn't gone down the marriage path when we did. We were too young. We weren't ready. We had an extensive list of issues that should have been dealt with before (or if) we ever got married. The part that is sad to me, is that I got married with the intention of staying married. Of starting a family, and being faithful, and none of that went the way intended.

Other than that, this boyfriend of mine broke his leg (fibula) playing softball. How? Sliding into second base. Yes, he was safe. No, they didn't win.

He has a purple cast. My favorite color is purple. Cute.


This is my ridiculously cute dog, Chloe. She says hello.